Mother Wept

And

look at how

you

must nurture evil

by choice

Part 2

The cradle is swinging like an axe on a rope

-MAS

And then I’ll go to places and think “where can I go to be alone but with people”

Seems like a contradiction and it is and it frustrates the hell outta me most times.

Then there is this thinking………

This thought that everyone, other than myself is the problem.

And I believe this most times

Then I know it is me.

How self-defeating.

How masochistic.

How depressing and lonely.

Wanting to be apart but always feeling distant and overwhelmed.

And afraid

scared

worried

angry

irritated

violent in my approach.

I tell myself of the help I need and want.

I dream of this help

this aid.

I feel rushed

Then too slow.

I feel intuitive

Then confused.

Lost

Found

Lost

Found

Lost

Found for awhile.

Then wondering if I’ve found myself.

-MAS

(DEMO)The Truth About Sadness And Anger

I don’t know where to start. I want to go backwards and talk about events that have transpired over many years of my life. Quickly, I want to let you know that it isn’t all that interesting. I feel as if my life is boring. Quickly, I want you to know that I feel like my life has been problem free. I have no issue other than the occasional mental breakdown from not being able to handle stress.

Im lost and losing myself.

No, that’s not true.

It never has been.

And my self is just resting

Alone, really, waiting to come out soon and play again.

Playing while looking through the mirror

away from the rest of them

because I can’t always have it my way.

I used to have many friends

gone and away

gone and away

More come in my life

in this playground

gone and away

gone and astray

gone and away

More as I grow

people

always around

truly never feeling

never not feeling

feeling never

not never feeling

feeling never not chaos

Feeling like I’ve been here many times

and more times before

and here I am again

walking familiar grounds

while they speak in past tense

what am I doing here, in this place?

what is this?

should I be doing as them all?

should I be following the rest?

can I hide?

can I go?

should I?

and I’m sick!

and I’m worried

and I’m sorry

and I hope we all get better

someday

and I hope we all can remember good times and hope for more

and notice what’s in front of us

and behind

and on the side

holding hands or slipping away

But I went off track

I came to write about anger and depression

and this is it:

I can’t do it yet

Not yet

Not yet

Not yet

Stop!

————————————————————

-MAS

Sobriety

4 in the morning/

up and not ready/

my usual/

a job needs my attention in an hour/

but/

I won’t get up til 5/

and/

I end up getting from my bed at 5:30am/

I don’t drink water/

I don’t take the medication/

I don’t exercise/

I don’t shower/

I had a job to get ready for/

but I boil some water in the old kettle/

and pack the bowl with weed and a little tobacco for the nerves I jumbled with coffee/

Then/

I pack the bowl again because I’m worried my nerves won’t go/

This time weed, tobacco, and rose petals/

I hear the rose helps with stress/

and/

I almost throw up/

and/

the coffee sends me to the bathroom for 15 minutes/

then again for the nervousness/

It’s 6am/

and/

I had a job to get done/

but/

they won’t see me today/

and I’m unable to leave home/

I’m stuck/

too high/

unable to move/

not wanting to, anyway/

Leaving, after two shots of whiskey/

to clear the nerves/

like I’ve tried several times/

and/

missing several jobs for the day/

only working one, or two/

then calling it a day/

calling off after four hours of avoiding conversations and eye-contact/

then/

rushing home to smoke again/

chain/

chain/

chain/

chain/

chaining/

until its shower time/

then I hit the joint again/

before the shower/

before my first meal of the day/

then/

I roll up again/

before bedtime/

because even sleeping scares me/

-Marquis Seabron

The Winds of A Summer’s Night

The winds of a summer’s night are like the

friends I had.

That come and go

Some are warm and some not so much

Some are turbulent

Others soft

Some are silent

Some make themselves known through

the chimes

But they all are passing winds none-the-less

And

It was a good time.

-MAS

The things I hate about me

The way my head is shaped with or without hair/

The downward curve of my nose/

The craters in my skin/

The acne/

How skinny my body is/

how it leans forward/

and cracks and creaks when I move/

My ugly teeth crooked and rotting/

My scent/

rancid and putrid/

My laugh/

that sounds like I’m coughing/

My eyes/

always looking around/

sometimes staring/

My unattractive voice/

My hair/

that/

tangled within itself and often looks messy/

My personality/

My heavy and irregular breathing/

-Marquis Seabron

Asking for HELP!

Please help me get up early tomorrow

Please don’t let me smoke first thing

I drank all the alcohol

Please don’t let me starve myself

Please help me manage it all

Everything

-Marquis Seabron

Writing,

The last of me

The death of me

My last resort

Next to living for it

-Marquis Seabron

This is a writing about sunshine and happiness

-Marquis Seabron